I would like to thank Brinda for the opportunity to write about bullying. I can’t help but to share my story because what I went through would cause me to endure bullying in school. One of the reasons why men who suffer abuse don’t share about their abuse is because of the risk of being bullied. Having experienced it, I can truly speak on it.
My uncle came to live with us in 1982. I was 8 years old. He was 10 years old and my mom’s half-brother. He made my life a living hell. Because he often made me do things forbidden by my parents, I’d have to submit to whatever he wanted so that he would not tell on me. He asked for much more than an 8-year-old should ever have to do. Most of the time, if I complied he would not tell. But, sometimes he’d tell on me either way. In August of 1984, my uncle took his hellish behavior a step farther by initiating sex with me. I didn’t think anything of it and submitted to his request. He used the sexual abuse to control and manipulate me.
I was vastly relieved when my uncle stated that he wanted to go back home to his mom the following year. Not long afterwards, I told a classmate in confidence what my uncle did to me. In my youthful innocence I thought it was done in fun and games. It wasn’t. To my utter shock and disbelief, everything I told my classmate had spread throughout the school! The next thing I knew; I was sitting in the principal’s office telling the school administrator and my parents what my uncle did to me. I didn’t tell them everything. I lied saying that it only happened once. I was afraid that I’d get in trouble.
Since this blog is about bullying, I need to share this with you. When I told this classmate about what happened, I was in the 5th grade. So, it didn’t just end after my 5th grade year, it would carry with me until my freshman year in high school. I lived on a military base during those years, and everybody I went to school with would be in some of my classes. Of course, they would share with others, and I was called every derogatory name and was physically bullied by upper class men in my freshman year. It was dreadful and sometimes I wished I was a little tougher. But I also knew that if I did, I would either get suspended and/or expelled because I would’ve done something rash. I believe the bullying came because my uncle was two years older than me and he would be in the same school as me (or they would know about him and what he did to me), so I was an available target. I was finally able to get away from the bullying in 1989 when my family and I would move to Germany. That was the perfect opportunity to start my life over again. So for 4-5 years, my school life was scarred. My grades were fine, but I had serious behavioral issues. OK, back to the story~
My uncle had manipulated everyone to the point that even my own parents assumed me to be a natural-born liar. Unfortunately, the abuse didn’t stop, as sadly my abuser had changed. During the summer of 1985, a female relative took me into the kitchen and began oral sex. I was still scarred and frightened; because of what my uncle had done to me. She then led me down to the basement stating that she was going to teach me how to have sexual relations; her words and deeds were vile and repulsive to me. I was still very afraid but after about 5 minutes, I loosened up and surrendered to her. My 11-year-old body was being abused during my two weeks visit with them.
The next year, my uncle was failing in school again and my mother wanted to bring him back into the house. My sister and I protested vehemently but we lost. My mother told me that what my uncle did wouldn’t happen again and I still had to love him. Her reasoning made me angry. Eventually the sexual abuse by my uncle did stop, unfortunately the physical and verbal abuse didn’t. I did tell my parents about the abuse, but he would say something else and I’d get in trouble for lying. Two years after graduating from high school, I enlisted in the military. During my time in the military, I told my parents the truth about my uncle abusing me and then I gave my life to the Lord. I was 22 years old.
Since November of 1986 until now, I have remained celibate and am very determined to stay that way until I’m married. Throughout everything, I can say that I can count my life experiences—the good and the bad—all joy. My uncle’s violation of me was detestable as was that of my female relative. I’ve often wonder had she not taken advantage of me; would I think what my uncle did to me was normal. I also know that the inspiration for my novel “Deaf, Dumb, Blind & Stupid” is based on the pain of my childhood abuse as it is a fictionalized version of my childhood. I know my story and that of my main character shall help others heal. My testimony is why I write.
I’ve read Tremayne’s book, “Deaf, Dumb, Blind, & Stupid” and it really touched my heart. The author’s personal experiences make the story all too real for anyone who has gone through bullying and child sexual abuse. Thank you, Tremayne, for having the courage to open up to people and let them know they are not alone. Brinda
Contact information for Mr. Moore :
You can purchase his book on Amazon at http://amzn.to/136u8fW