Stop the Bleeding

I’ve received so many wonderful e-mails from other survivors who found some hope and healing through my book, Don’t Cry, Daddy’s Here ~ One Woman’s Journey to Recovery from Incest. This has been balm to my soul being as the only reason I shared such painful details about my childhood was to help someone else.

Others have contacted me just to share some of their personal story, and after all this time, each one still breaks my heart. I want you to know that I have spent many hours on my knees in prayer for your healing. Promises cannot be made about this being an easy process, simply because it is not. Survivors are quite adept at repressing feelings and compartmentalizing painful memories; therefore, it hurts to acknowledge them.

There are those who say that a person does not need to discuss their past to have a good life. I beg to differ. I tried and know of many others who tried and we thought we were so good walking through life with masks on. To do so is like putting a bandage on a gun shot wound and not treating the gaping hole it tore through your body. In the end, you die from infection or internal bleeding. If that sounds exaggerated to you, either you aren’t ready to face it or you are not a person who endured child sexual abuse.

To the right of this page, I have links to some organizations that can give you more information or referrals. If you own my book, there is an appendix that lists resources from across the USA as well. If all else fails, Google it or speak to your primary physician for a referral. Please talk to someone you trust and make the bleeding stop.

Don't Cry Daddy's Here

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Feb 4, 2014 - Child Abuse   No Comments

Dean Trippe’s Story ~ Submitted by Annie Fleetwood

The following, “Something Terrible” is a cartoon created by Dean Trippe. He was violated/victimized as a child. He found comfort in superhero stories like Batman and Superman. “Something Terrible” demonstrates how a preyed upon child feels isolated; fearful of someone finding out; threatened by the predator; and unable to control or stop what is happening to them. Abused children are often threatened to remain silent and compliant. Children not only live in fear of their abuser, but also believe that they (rather than the abuser) are to blame for what is happening to them. Trippe successfully depicts these ideas in his very short but vivid story. Most victimized children fantasize about someone rescuing them, saving them from further abuse, and empowering and protecting them. I experienced similar thoughts and ideas of someone rescuing me.

Like Trippe, I repeatedly heard that abused children grow up to be abusers; it scared the hell out of me. I too had a suicide pact with myself, knowing that I would kill myself before I ever abused any child, especially my own. Trippe’s story demonstrates his own transition from powerless child to empowered survivor. (I hate that word ‘survivor’, it implies that we are remnants; we are really conquerors.) Dean Trippe’s story deals with these common experiences and ideas that many abused children experience.

It’s shocking and very often too uncomfortable for people to learn that child abuse occurs, indeed has occurred to someone they know. Often, the listener simply wants to move on to a topic that is less unpleasant, because they don’t know how to deal with it or what to say. It’s hard for the person who has endured any kind of childhood trauma or victimization too. Dean Trippe’s story is vivid and hopeful, without being intimidating to the reader.

This is an interview with Trippe about his comic book story “Something Terrible”. http://www.newsarama.com/19470-dean-trippe-s-something-terrible-a-personal-story-of-overcoming-abuse.html

It’s Hard To Speak About These Things In Public. So He Drew This Instead.
www.upworthy.com
It takes a few seconds to look at. Much longer to forget.

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Jul 25, 2013 - Bullying, Uncategorized   1 Comment

Bullying by Guest Blogger Tremayne Moore

Picture for Brinda

I would like to thank Brinda for the opportunity to write about bullying. I can’t help but to share my story because what I went through would cause me to endure bullying in school. One of the reasons why men who suffer abuse don’t share about their abuse is because of the risk of being bullied. Having experienced it, I can truly speak on it.
My uncle came to live with us in 1982. I was 8 years old. He was 10 years old and my mom’s half-brother. He made my life a living hell. Because he often made me do things forbidden by my parents, I’d have to submit to whatever he wanted so that he would not tell on me. He asked for much more than an 8-year-old should ever have to do. Most of the time, if I complied he would not tell. But, sometimes he’d tell on me either way. In August of 1984, my uncle took his hellish behavior a step farther by initiating sex with me. I didn’t think anything of it and submitted to his request. He used the sexual abuse to control and manipulate me.
I was vastly relieved when my uncle stated that he wanted to go back home to his mom the following year. Not long afterwards, I told a classmate in confidence what my uncle did to me. In my youthful innocence I thought it was done in fun and games. It wasn’t. To my utter shock and disbelief, everything I told my classmate had spread throughout the school! The next thing I knew; I was sitting in the principal’s office telling the school administrator and my parents what my uncle did to me. I didn’t tell them everything. I lied saying that it only happened once. I was afraid that I’d get in trouble.
Since this blog is about bullying, I need to share this with you. When I told this classmate about what happened, I was in the 5th grade. So, it didn’t just end after my 5th grade year, it would carry with me until my freshman year in high school. I lived on a military base during those years, and everybody I went to school with would be in some of my classes. Of course, they would share with others, and I was called every derogatory name and was physically bullied by upper class men in my freshman year. It was dreadful and sometimes I wished I was a little tougher. But I also knew that if I did, I would either get suspended and/or expelled because I would’ve done something rash. I believe the bullying came because my uncle was two years older than me and he would be in the same school as me (or they would know about him and what he did to me), so I was an available target. I was finally able to get away from the bullying in 1989 when my family and I would move to Germany. That was the perfect opportunity to start my life over again. So for 4-5 years, my school life was scarred. My grades were fine, but I had serious behavioral issues. OK, back to the story~
My uncle had manipulated everyone to the point that even my own parents assumed me to be a natural-born liar. Unfortunately, the abuse didn’t stop, as sadly my abuser had changed. During the summer of 1985, a female relative took me into the kitchen and began oral sex. I was still scarred and frightened; because of what my uncle had done to me. She then led me down to the basement stating that she was going to teach me how to have sexual relations; her words and deeds were vile and repulsive to me. I was still very afraid but after about 5 minutes, I loosened up and surrendered to her. My 11-year-old body was being abused during my two weeks visit  with them.
The next year, my uncle was failing in school again and my mother wanted to bring him back into the house. My sister and I protested vehemently but we lost. My mother told me that what my uncle did wouldn’t happen again and I still had to love him. Her reasoning made me angry. Eventually the sexual abuse by my uncle did stop, unfortunately the physical and verbal abuse didn’t. I did tell my parents about the abuse, but he would say something else and I’d get in trouble for lying. Two years after graduating from high school, I enlisted in the military. During my time in the military, I told my parents the truth about my uncle abusing me and then I gave my life to the Lord. I was 22 years old.
Since November of 1986 until now, I have remained celibate and am very determined to stay that way until I’m married. Throughout everything, I can say that I can count my life experiences—the good and the bad—all joy. My uncle’s violation of me was detestable as was that of my female relative. I’ve often wonder had she not taken advantage of me; would I think what my uncle did to me was normal. I also know that the inspiration for my novel “Deaf, Dumb, Blind & Stupid” is based on the pain of my childhood abuse as it is a fictionalized version of my childhood. I know my story and that of my main character shall help others heal. My testimony is why I write.

I’ve read Tremayne’s book, “Deaf, Dumb, Blind, & Stupid” and it really touched my heart. The author’s personal experiences make the story all too real for anyone who has gone through bullying and child sexual abuse. Thank you, Tremayne, for having the courage to open up to people and let them know they are not alone.  Brinda

Contact information for Mr. Moore :

Website: www.maynetre.com
Blog: http://mayneman.blogspot.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/mayntre
Facebook: www.facebook.com/AuthorTremayneMoore
E-mail: tremayne_moore@yahoo.com

You can purchase his book on Amazon at http://amzn.to/136u8fW     DDBS Small Cover

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